Cannabis Chronicle 10: God’s Plan

If any of y'all have clean piss I will pay you for it. It's an emergency. I’ll pay you cash right now.

Job hunting can be challenging no matter what the profession is. Needing 15 years of experience, three degrees and a perfect resume seem to be the only way to even get a response. Oh, and let’s not forget those awful applications that ask you to upload your resume and then fill out an application with the exact same freakin’ information.

 

If you are a cannabis consumer, there’s always another obstacle that you may have to face. A drug test. I’ve dodged many a test myself. Drinking disgusting cleansers, chugging gallons of water, or taking those expensive-ass pills from GNC. Waiting to find out if you have successfully fooled the system can be the most stressful wait of your life.

 

And then there are those jobs that give you random tests. You go months (hell, maybe even years) without a test and then BAM! You get hit with the email of doom. Pee in a cup today or your ass is grass.

 

I recently caught up with my guy Olot to work on some visuals. And of course, weed was apart of this shoot. And when there is cannabis, there is always a chronicle.

 

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I

had officially booked my first destination shoot and it was in Jamaica. Being paid to do what I love is already such a blessing, but the fact that it had allowed me to travel to a place I had never been before? Man, you couldn’t tell me shit. AND this was my first time leaving the country so I was all the way lit.

 

I knew damn well that I was gambling by smoking on this trip, but I was having a “come to Jesus” moment. I had been at my job long enough that I had kind of memorized the drug test pattern, so I knew I would have time to cleanse my system before they pissed me again anyway.

 

I was finally getting the gigs that I had been grinding so hard for and I was in a beautiful place with beautiful people. So I said YOLO. Come on, fam its Jamaica.

 

Shortly after I returned back to work and bitch you guessed it. I got hit with my pee papers. It was all good though because I was a pro at that point. I already had some clean urine incubating under my clothes. I went in, dropped the goods and rolled out per usual. As I was on my way out the administrator stopped me.

 

“Your urine is too cold. You are going to have to give us another sample,” she said.

 

At this point, I was convinced they were out to get my black-ass. My supervisor had been a total dick to me lately and it was not the usual timing for my test. Damn the Man. I had taken every step that I had done in the past and I had always passed. This was just another sign that it was time for me to get up out of there and follow my passion. But in the meantime, I had bills and I needed a miracle. 

 

I held back a thug tear and went outside to think. I had to take the test by the end of the day and time was ticking. There was a crew of guys renovating the building next door and I suddenly had an idea. It was a reach, but anything was worth a shot at this point.

 

I ran over and made my proposition.

 

“If any of yall have clean piss I will pay you for it. It’s an emergency. I’ll pay you cash right now.”

 

I expected them to look at me crazy, but they were actually pretty cool even though they couldn’t help. They were ALL dirty. They even went as far as telling me all the drugs they were on, which were way harder than tree.

 

“Aint this about a bitch?! These fools are damn near on narcotics and I may lose my job over smoking a jay!” I thought. I ran back to my job.

 

I headed to the bathroom to think. I was straight up panicking at this point. I had told the administrator that I needed to drink more water before I could try again, and if I took too long it would have been suspicious. I was all fucked up.

 

Then I hit rock bottom.

 

The bathrooms at my job were unisex. When I was walking into my bathroom I saw a woman enter the bathroom beside me and I hadn’t heard a flush. What if I just scoop the pee into the cup? My brain really wasn’t functioning at this point. Of course, that urine would have been too cold too, but it ended up not even mattering.

 

I heard their door open and I made my move.

 

“I forgot to flush the toilet!” the woman told me realizing her mistake.

 

“Its cool don’t worry about it,” I told her.

 

“Nah, I should flush it,” she said and brushed passed me.

 

I finally gave up. I definitely wasn’t about to argue with this lady about needing her  pee. Then I would be jobless AND in jail. I’m just going to go in there and take the test. Maybe they won’t even test it again since I always pass.

 

And then came a miracle.

 

The homie that I knew didn’t smoke walked in the door.  I hadn’t seen him all day, so him walking up to me at that moment had to be a sign. My man G.O.D. was looking out. I dapped him up and got straight down to business – my clock was running out.

 

“I don’t even think you understand how much of a blessing you are in my life right now. I need you to do me a huge favor, “ I told him.

 

I gave him the rundown and he didn’t even hesitate. “I got you, fam,” he told me.

 

via GIPHY

 

He went to the bathroom, passed me the liquid gold and I passed my test. That was literally the craziest work day I have ever had in my life.

 

And guess what I did as soon as I got home? I rolled a jay.

 

 

 

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In Reefer We Trust, 

Reeferella

Smoking and something hilarious happened? Tell us.  Want to share your cannabis chronicle like the one you just read? Sure.  Just want to go on a Kanye rant about why cannabis isn’t being accepted into society? Rant on, Ye’. Hit us up at info@reeferella.com. All submissions can be posted anonymously.

We are listening….and smokin’

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